How the D2Brigade Defeated the Robot Apocalypse
by ScarlettRose390
Summary: Unbelieveable. The ONE day Professor Otaku doesn't get his coffee and Vixen goes on another rampage, Arkada leaves his shirtless clone in he elevator, and Malakye forgets to watch Tsubake so the robot apocalypse ensues. Just another workday at D2HQ.
1. Desolation of the Coffee

**Was going to submit this to the "Why I Love D2Brigade" contest, but I was busy and couldn't finish by the deadline. Might submit another time. Hope you like! **

It's no simple task to get supplies to a semi-top-secret abandoned headquarters in the middle of the nowhere, even it if is over thirty feet tall. However this did not occur to the internet reviewer, part-time cartoon, certified snark, and brigade leader Professor Otaku until he dragged himself to the kitchen one morning after a long night of work only to realize that the coffee supply had depleted.

"Oh Merf." He grumbled. His voice subtly echoed through the desolate halls since the rest of the floor. The rest of the Brigaders were probably three floors above him, cranking out reviews for the site.

There was nothing more Prof could do then put away his depressingly empty mug back in its cabinet and head back upstairs to write another review. As he made his way down the hall, he glazed at all of the anime posters that were tacked to the walls. When the Brigade members first moved in to D2HQ, some of them (mostly the girls. And Ark at one point.) complained that the blank walls seemed to make the whole building too "bleh". Prof had told them to suck it up since this was the only nearby abandoned top-secret over thirty-foot tall headquarters in the middle of the nowhere they could afford. The members solved this problem by just slapping a bunch of colorful posters of their favorite animes everywhere they could.

While he was waiting for the elevator between the _Haruhi Suzumiya_ and _Chobits_ posters to come, he stared at the _Buso Renkin _poster on the other wall. He walked over to it and rubbed his hand against it, hoping that its high-octane awesomeness would rub off on him.

_DING_

The elevator doors opened themselves to reveal that it wasn't empty. Its inhabitant was curled up on the corner of the floor, his blonde hair all in his face so Prof couldn't be sure whether he was conscious or not. What he could see was that his black jacket open wide that his bare and possibly oiled chest could be seen.

"Uh, Ark?" Prof asked, his eyes unable to stop blinking.

The mess in the elevator sat upright at the voice. He tried reach for the railing so he could pull himself to his feet, but since he was obviously very drunk he fell down again. He laughed to himself and blew the hair out of his face, revealing a sliver of his unusual green and blue eyes.

"Nope." He said.

Prof raised an eyebrow at him. "Um… Ark's clone?"

"I have a name, y'know."

Prof felt the need to make a sarcastic comeback, but frankly it he was too tired and decaffeinated to converse with the drunken and shirtless clone of his colleague at this time of day. He just walked in the elevator and pushed the button to his floor like it was an ordinary day. Well, in a sense this wasn't much different from any of his recent days.

"Hey," clone-Ark (Prof still hadn't bothered to remember this one's name) slurred, "ya ever wonder why you're here?" Prof simply ignored him and turned away. "Nah, I'm all serious. As a copy of a pre-existin' human bean, ya wonder these things, y'know? Like, why doya do reviews n stuff? Why do you think ya got fans? C'mon, you had to have thought about it."

Prof became dead set on not answering him. There was no need to, since it was then that the elevator made the sound that it had reached his floor. That was fast.

_DING_

As he walked out, clone-Ark cried "Hey, sersly! You should think about it! Meanin' a life! Why do you do what you do! Why do the fans like you! All that jazz!"

And with that he collapsed to the floor once again as the doors closed.

Before Prof knocked on the door to Ark's room (a door between the _Clannad_ and _Ghost Hound_ posters, a fair combination) he couldn't help but stop to listen to the sound of overly-dramatic music and a high pitched girl yelling in Japanese coming from it.

"Don't give up, Sailor Moon!" Ark's voice yelled from inside. "I know everyone you love just died, but stop making out with your boyfriend's corpse and kick some ass!"

Prof found this to be the perfect time to interrupt them. He lightly knocked on the door. "Ark?"

"Yeah, seriously!" Hitch's voice came this time. "If that were _me_ in that mini-skirt-"

Prof headbanged the door. "ARK!"

The dramatic music immediately silenced. "H-Huh? What?" Ark called back.

"I told you to deal with your clones!" Prof yelled, irritated by his new headache.

"Oh man, did one of them get drunk again? I swear to God, can't I make one decent clone of myself without it either going into a drunken stupor questioning its own existence and going on and on about the meaning of life?"

"I don't _care_. Just get it out of the elevator. And make them put a shirt on for Christ's sake."

"And why do they always turn out gay? Granted I have nothing against it but it's not like I _program_ them to be like that! What the hell?"

"Well, just because someone doesn't wear a shirt and keeps his chest doesn't necessarily mean they're gay." Hitch replied. "Kamina from _Gurren Laggan_ never wears a shirt."

"Yeah, but those stupid werewolves from Twilight never wear shirts either." Said Ark. "If that doesn't imply anything, I don't know what does."

"They do both keep suffciently oiled chests." Prof rubbed his temples at this conversation. It was a waste of time for all involved.

"Besides, Kamina's not gay." said Ark's voice. "Sure he never wears a shirt and hangs around young boys and says things to them like 'Your drill will pierce through the heavens' and there was that one deleted scene from the hotsprings episode when he asked that kid to put his finger in his butt while he was naked but that totally doesn't mean he's gay."

"But the werewolf guy still goes after that one whiney chick. Maybe it's a physiological thing. Maybe they're _all_ gay and don't even know it."

"Posh! Kamina's manly! I'm manly! I do manly things in a manly way like drinking raw manly eggs while lifting manly weights or something along those manly lines!"

"I Repeat: Do not _care._" Prof said. When Twilight is brought up in D2HQ, the conversation must end._ "_Just get your clone out of the elevator or wherever else any of them may reside drunk and shirtless _now_ and then work on a stinkin anime review."

"Don't worry about it!" Ark called. "I'll just throw him down in the ol' Alligator Pit later and everything will be solved."

Prof stopped for a moment to allow that sentence to sink in. "Uh, we have an _Alligator Pit?_"

"Yeah, I got off of this nice asthmatic waiter down in Chicago."

"Um, okay." Prof just decided to leave it at that and walk away. As soon as he was a good distance away from the door he could hear the _Sailor Moon_ audio coming from Ark's room once again.

Just as he passed by Kagami's room, his brain was racked with a loud_ SCREEEEEEEEECH _from behind her door. It sounded Pyramid Head was rooming there something. This noise hadn't damaged Prof's mind in any way so he still had the good sense to run the hell away from there, but he had become curious. What could she be doing in there? He tossed a mental coin and decided to check it out. Who knows, maybe he could add it to his ongoing imaginary list of _Weird Yet Awesomely Crazy Things I've Seen The Brigade Do and Can Possibly Use for Blackmail Later. _When he knocked on her door, he could hear her groan.

"Do not disturb! I'm busy! Go away!" she called.

"Are you working on an AMV?" Prof asked.

"Yeah! Sure! Course I am! Just come back later!"

Just as he pressed his ear to the door, he heard what sounded like a drill and then a cat moaning in pain made its way out of her room. This was when he decided to get the hell out of there. He'll worry about it later.

On his way back to his room to write another review (a strain without his coffee) he couldn't help but have a sign on Rabbit's door catch his eye.

_**LOST: ACCENT**_

_**DESCRIPTION: BRITISH. MORE DO YOU NEED? **_

_**IF FOUND PLEASE REPORT TO: THIS VERY ROOM.**_

_**THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY**_

Beside her closed door there was a stack of manga that she had already read or reviewed. From what he could see it was the kind of he may or may not have heard of, but he wouldn't mind picking up anyway.

"Prof?" a timid voice emerged behind the door. "You're not trying to take my manga without asking, are you?"

"No, of course not Rabbit." He tried to shove the book down his shirt just in case she came out of her room.

"It's not nice to lie to me, Prof. I'll get all sad if you do."

Prof let out a sigh and dropped the book back onto the stack.

"Thank you, Prof."

He merely grumbled something under his breath as he walked away. With his mind focused on putting together his current rant of the day, he failed to notice the large package placed in the middle of the hall. Until he tripped over it. All he could think of as his face hit the floor was that he was only one annoyance away from going into rage mode. He pushed himself off the ground, grunting, and turned around to inspect the package. It was pink, which wasn't a good sign for him. But it was still all good. No worries. No potential signs for danger or annoyance. He almost held it in, until he saw the title. "_Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan!"_. It was addressed to him, meaning by his personal law he made for reasons that escaped him, he was obligated to review it. The anger and frustration that came out of his mouth soon after didn't exactly come out in words so much as unidentifiable sounds like

"(swear words)!"

The package was then given what Prof saw fit, a good kick square down the hall.

"Um, is it safe to say I should approach with caution?"

After screaming, Prof's anger had mostly subsided into heavy breathing out of his nose. As he turned to see the girl behind him, holding a full cup of coffee in front of her JO shirt, he momentarily felt the urge to pounce on her and fight primitively to the death for that mug, but her green eyes filled with both worry and cautious concern had stopped him. Besides, the coffee would spill if he pounced on her. DUH! Before he could let himself open his mouth and explain the situation, he knew that he had to choose his words with care so to put it such a mature way that the sophisticated JO could sympathize and understand his situation.

"Someone sent me _Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan! _so I have to review it and I don't wanna cause it's all girly n stuff and Ark's shirtless clone won't get out of the elevator and Kagami might be killing something right now and Rabbit won't let me steal her manga and all I want is some coffee PROF NEEDS HIS COFFEE NOW!"

Smooth.

"Don't think about it." Said JO. "Just do the review and get it over with. Besides, you love complaining about bad stuff."

"You're caffeinated body can't understand my situation. You see, the core of entertainment is inspiration, the core of that is perseverance, after that there's exertion, and the core of that one is of course coffee. Therefore the step-by-step process for my creative process has collapsed."

_DING_

"GET OFF OF ME YOU PERVE!" They could only assume that was Vixen.

"No really, why do ya do what ya do whatcha do?" the still drunken clone-Ark said, his arm hanging limply around Vixen's shoulders. Before he could finish, Vixen elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to collapse once again, and stomped out of the elevator. Prof and JO could see her eyes were flitting around the room like they were on fire and her ears were pinned back. She looked as though she was ready to bite the next unfortunate lad who was in five feet of her.

"(swear words)!"

Vixen's shriek attracted the rest of the Brigade to flock out of their rooms. Hitch walked out the door and made his way toward Vix.

"Okay Vix, what seems to be the troubWOAH-"before he could finish that sentence he tripped over the _Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan! _box that had landed directly in front of Ark's door. As he fell, Hitch was able to determine that by the trajectory of the angle by which he was falling, there was a chance he would be able to fall on top of Vixen's developed bosom. This was science. He should know. He had a lab coat. As his hope rose, as his hand began to reach out, as his eyes and smile begining to grow larger, his face merely inches away from a bundle of softness, Vixen tossed him out the conveniently close window (or inconveniently depending on how you look at it). The others would have checked to see if he was okay, but Vixen's twitchy tail and the steam out her nose like an angered bull told them to stay away.

"Uh, should someone help him?" JO asked.

"Well, I can still hear him screaming so he's got a long while before he hits the ground."

"Yeah, but won't he, like, die?"

Ark shrugged. "Iono. I'm no scientist."

"…But you're wearing a lab coat."

Ark pinched at his collar. "Oh yeah."

"Hey, that reminds me. We got any 4-ply trashbags?" Kagami asked, looking inconvenienced as she appeared to be cleaning a sharp metal object with her red shirt.

"THEY MADE IT!" Vixen shrieked, "SOMEONE, A HUMAN BEING, _CREATED_ IT! IT'S NOT AN ANIME YET BUT F*CK SOME PERVES OUT THERE STILL F*CKING MADE IT!"

JO took one cautious step toward Vixen. "Um… what?"

Before JO could be Vixen's next victim, Rabbit walked up to Vixen and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, what's wrong my little fox?" she asked in her timid American-accented voice, "Did another mean hentai take another blow to your psyche?"

Vixen's eyes immediately softened as she grabbed Rabbit's hand. Ark and Prof leaned in and began to turn red. "Sort of. Oh, it's awful! Someone made a game or visual novel or something where you play as a guy who tries to get as many girls as he can pregnant!" Her eyes immediately became fierce again. "AND IF I EVER FIND THOSE GODDAMED BASTARDS WHO WROTE THIS SH*T I WILL SHOVE THEIR BALLS INTO A BLENDER! SEE WHAT YOU CAN GET OFF TO THEN YOU SICK PERVES!" Even after she said that, Ark and Prof were still beginning to get turned on. She was holding to Rabbit's hand even tighter, so there were still some possibilities. JO and Kagami rolled their eyes at the stupidity, both of the boys and the synopsis of the game.

"But sweetie," said Rabbit, "you review stuff like that all the time."

"Yeah, but, I mean- I just-UGH! It just made me think 'what the hell am I doing? Why am I making myself watch this?'"

"Oh man, did you have a conversation with one of my clones?" Ark asked, folding his arms and shaking his head.

"Well, yeah, but that's not the point! Why should people watch us?"

"Cause we review anime." Said Kagami.

"_Lots_ of people on the internet review anime. What makes us any different?"

Just then, Malakye, the lovable mad scientist of the group, walked in. He probably hadn't heard Vixen's outburst so far, but already he was nervously moving around the room like something was trying to kill him.

"Mal, back away." Ark warned, outstretching his arm. "It took a lot of money to pay for the surgery we got you the last time Vixen killed you, so just stay out of the way of the beast's rage and you shall be free."

"Sure, that's great." Mal said under his breath, still looking around the room.

"Just give me one good reason why we put ourselves through this every day!" Vixen yelled to everyone. "Just one!"

"Well, for the fans I guess." Prof answered.

"Hey, are you alright?" Kagami asked Mal. "I mean, I know you're wearing a mask and stuff but you look… kinda wound up."

"Me? Aw, no I'm great! I'm all peachy keen and a basket of newborn cat-girls!"

Kagami and Ark raised an eyebrow, but convinced themselves that they shouldn't ask.

"Yeah, but why do the fans like _us_?" Vixen asked Prof. "I mean, there are other anime and manga reviewers out there on the internet. What makes them come to _us_? Why are _we _so special? Why do they like us?"

Prof was going to try to the best of his wisdom to answer that, but then Malakye yelled

"Hey, has anyone seen Tsubake?"

And everyone's head immediately turned to face him. All of their eyes had become just as fierce as Vixen's.

"What?" Mal asked innocently.

**_To be continued..._**


	2. Mild Takeover

**Wow, I wrote this so long ago. I'll be no one but hardcore fans will even care about this fic. It's finished now but I never bothered to upload it because I thought it was silly. I guess now that the Brigade disbanded a while back this is more like a farewell from me, even if the story could be improved. I always enjoyed listening to their podcasts. Enjoy anyway! ^_^**

JO fainted shortly after Malakye's question. This left the brigade momentarily confused since in most of the situations they had faced, JO usually seemed to be the one in the bunch who seemed to do well under stress. After all, she was on more than one site. Rabbit strayed away from Vixen's hand and ran to JO's side.

"Mal," Prof said, clearly holding back his frustration, "there are things in this world that needn't be asked unless you want them to lead to misfortune. Some of which are 'Did we forget to turn off the gas before we lit the birthday cake?' or 'Honey, do you mind if I stay over the mistress' house tonight?' and of course there is the topper, '_Where is Tsubake?'_!"

"How could you _lose_ her?" Vix hollered.

"I don't know!" Mal yelled, "I was just having a normal morning, drinking my coffee and watching moe henta- I MEAN THE NEWS! Yeah, the sexy, sexy news. Then somehow I fell asleep and she was gone by the time I woke up."

"YOU HAD COFFEE?" Prof cried. "When did everyone get this coffee? I wasn't aware of it. It was gone by the time I got there! What, is there, like, some kind of conspiracy that involves withholding the coffee from me today? Well I'm on to you! No one can sneak it away under my- "

"Prof, calm down." Ark mumbled absently while taking out his cell phone.

"Do you need a hug?" Rabbit asked.

"…Possibly."

"Hey Mal," said Ark "I just checked Tsubake's Twitter. Was she the one who brought you the coffee?"

"Yeah, she always is. Why?"

"Well, her latest post was

_Just took over human race. If u r reading this, that includes u 2. Was easier than planned. Stupidity of Fleshbags FTW! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH_

And by that point she reached the character limit."

Everyone looked to one another other, and then back to the unconscious JO. For the first time Prof was suddenly weirdly relieved he missed the coffee that morning.

"Well, Tsubake's always saying that she's going to take over the world." Kagami said while filing her nails with a knife. "What makes this time any different?"

And as if the universe was on some kind of dramatic/comedic cue, the television screen that just happened to be nearby flicked on by itself. A large pair of still and unblinking azure eyes was the first thing that appeared on the screen.

"_Hugh, I said pan the camera _back!_"_

"_Oh, s-s-sorry Ms. Tsubake!"_

The image on the screen shook around like a scene from _Cloverfield _for a moment, only for the camera to be dropped down to the sight of Tsubake's synthetic cleavage. After this the camera seemed to be thrown back at least five feet away, like the cameraman just got punched. Once the camera was able to hold itself still it was able to reveal the delicately slim yet fierce figure atop the platform. She obviously knew this occasion would come today since her prosthetic skin was shining from a polish and her lavender hair was done up in her new sparkly blue bow. Realizing she was on air, her hands immediately fixed herself by brushing off her skirt (though nothing seemed to be on it) and tucked a stray hair away behind her ear. Once she unclenched her fist, she stood up straight and allowed herself to show a smile at the screen.

"_Ahem. Morning, Fleshbags. Or whatever the hell time-zone it is in wherever feeble country you reside in. I don't care. I address you here as your first and permanently only world leader, Tsubake."_

"Tin Tits!" Vixen instinctively yelled at the screen.

"_Though when you address me, I would prefer it if you would just say 'All hail Tsubake!' instead. And by prefer, I mean that I'll chainsaw your hands off if you don't! Anyhow,_ _I hope you have found the last twelve hours the new ruling from your robot overlord slow, grueling, and painful, because it will last, um, forever!"_

"We have a TV?" Ark blurted out. "I mean, I know they still existed but I wasn't aware that _we _had one."

"Ark, shut up! This is important!" yelled Kagami.

"I'm so proud of her!" Mal cried. "It feels like it was only yesterday that she was this tiny bolt in my bottom drawer, and now she's all grown up and has the authority to chainsaw people's hands off!"

"Mal, you better shut up too before we decide to take her advice!"

"_Before I go over the new world order, such as your new Slave Schedules and the construction of my new monument, I'd like to thank a certain someone for allowing me to rewire his circuits and steal his blueprints so that I was able to steal money from practically every Wal-Mart in the world! For without his help, my takeover of the planet would have been moderately slower."_

"_Uh, what?"_

"Damn you, Wal -Mart!" Prof cried.

"That's why I've always trusted Target." Said Kagami, lowering her head to feign mourning for her lost boyfriend.

"Is Hitch still falling?" Rabbit asked, "Shouldn't someone go check on him?"

"_PSSST! Hugh! I'm talking about you!"_

"_Huh? M-me?"_

"_Hugh, there is no one else in the entire room. Who else would I be talking to? Turn the camera on yourself."_

The image on the screen shook once again and made muffled sounds until it focused on a small cash register looking onto the world with big, shaky eyes.

"Who's that?" Prof asked.

"Yes." Answered Arkada.

Prof raised an eyebrow to him. "What?"

"Huh?"

"Who's the cash register?"

"Yes."

"What? Ark, just tell me who's the goddamned cash register with the eyes!"

"Yes."

"Stop that!"

"I don't know what you want from me! That's Hugh."

"We're talking about the cash register, right?"

"Yes. Hugh."

"The cash register!"

"STOP IT!" Vixen hollered, "That joke is not funny! It will never be funny! Stop it!" Vixen let out a shaky sigh, trying her best attempt to calm her nerves. "Look, all I know about Hugh is that Scrap-Stripper over there might have had some one-night-stand with him so now I guess they're partners. I kinda feel sorry for the poor guy. All he wanted was someone who knew how to push his buttons the right way."

"…So we're still talking about the cash register?"

"OH MY GOD PROF I WILL KILL YOU!"

"_Okay Hugh, that's enough. Turn the camera back on _me_ now." _

The room had once again become silent to listen to the TV. The screen had once again shakily turned to Tsubake.

"_I would like to state before closing today's broadcast that I would not enjoy it if I were referred to as an 'unkind' or 'unjust' leader. Therefore, I have bestowed gifts upon those who have provided a home and time to kill until I rose up to this rank."_

"Oh, I do not like where this is going." Said Ark.

"_And so, I'll leave all of you with this: Don't think of me as a tyrannical ruler who quite literally rules you with an iron fist, or as a cold and gun-toting fiend who will burn your bones to ash and crush your skulls like beer cans if you refuse to obey me. Try to think of me as an older sibling who simply watches over you. A 'Big Sister', if you will. Tee hee. UGH! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wash my mouth out with twenty gallons of chlorine for saying 'tee hee.'"_

Tsubake said nothing and simply held her plastered-on smile. The image was frozen on the screen for a few long silent moments. The Brigade said nothing and only stared. This kept on until Tsubake's smile tumbled to an angry snarl.

"_Hugh! Turn the stupid camera o-"_

Then the screen flashed to black. Every conscious member of the Brigade that was in the room waited for someone to speak. They were almost afraid to break the silence.

"So," Mal finally said, clapping his hands together, "let's recap: Tsubake took over the world via Wal-Mart, JO is unconscious, Hitch is currently falling from over thirty stories-"

"Actually, he's probably hit the ground by now." Said Kagami.

"I don't think we can take him to any kind of hospital if Tsubake's running it." Said Prof.

"Good!" Vixen cried, "He was watching my wibble!"

"Vix, he's still part of the brigade." said Rabbit.

"But-!"

"Forget about that for a moment!" said Mal. "Tsubake still wants to kill us!"

"Everyone shut up!" Ark cried. "Do you hear that?

"Hear what?" Vix asked.

"SHHH!" Ark's index finger smushed onto Vixen's lips. Her eyes squinted. "Shhhh-shhh-shh-sh. It's a ticking noise."

"A ticking noise?" Rabbit repeated.

"Yes, a ticking noise. A mysterious ticking noise, if you will."

Everyone's heads circulated around to locate the source of the mysterious ticking noise. Soon, all heads turned to the package that was kicked at the end of the hall.

"Hey!" Mal cried "Is that _Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan!_?! That's my fav-"

_KABOOOOOM_

**_To be continued_**


	3. Rise of the Inside Jokes

**So many inside jokes. So. Many.**

Hours Later

The fire crackled atop the wood, releasing sparks to float up like fireflies into the black sky. It was cold in the dessert that night. The Brigade hadn't been prepared to be out there, so none of them had coats on standby. Rabbit had her long ears wrapped around her torso. Vixen did her best to do the same with her tail, but she still ended up shivering. Kagami and the now conscious JO weren't fortunate enough to have fluffy animal parts (and they never thought they would be) so their best option was to just stay close to the fire. Prof was also sitting near the fire, but warmth did not seem as important to him as it did the others. He would only occasionally rub his hands together as he stared at the fire's bright glow. Ark, Hitch, and Mal, were yet to be found.

"Oh man, it's cold." JO whispered as she rubbed her upper arms.

"No! _Seriously_?" Kagami retorted, "Wow, I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't told us."

JO turned away from her. "Look, we're all stuck out here. Arguing doesn't help us get any warmer."

"Easy for you to say. You're wearing jeans." Kagami took an arm out to point but tucked it back when feeling the immediate cold.

"That's not my fault! I unconsciously grabbed them this morning! No one forced you to wear spaghetti-straps with a skirt!"

"It gets less stains this way."

"What stains?"

"It happens when I'm doing…enemy business."

"You know what I think?" Prof said, finally speaking up.

"Do we want to?" Vixen asked

"I say you press your warm bodies together while I play Barry Whi-"

"OH, SHUT UP!" All of the girls yelled in unison.

Prof sighed. "It sucks being the only guy."

"Well, maybe if you weren't you would have opened the package before it blew up and we wouldn't be in this mess!" Vixen cried.

"Hey, don't start blaming this on me." Prof yelled. "Tsubake would have taken over the world whether I opened that package of girlytude or not!"

"Yeah, but we wouldn't have gotten blown out of our headquarters!"

The wind picked up, causing their voices to become carried away with it. Prof jumped to his feet.

"_I'm _not the one who built her!" Prof yelled over the wind, "_I_ didn't program a sentient being to take over the world!_ I'm _not the one who lost track of her! This _isn't my fault_!"

Vixen sheilded her eyes from the sand. "Yeah, but Mal's not here right now, is he? Who's the leader of the Brigade again?"

"Stop it!" Rabbit cried from underneath her ears, "Everyone just stop yelling at each other! Look, it's over, okay? We can't stop a bomb that's already blown up. We should have different priorities now."

"Like?"asked Prof.

Rabbit's cheeks puffed up from a smile underneath her ears. "Like stopping the robot apocalypse."

"Ooh, sounds badass." said JO, yearning for her sunglasses. And an airboat.

"I don't know how we could do that without HQ." said Prof.

"Hey, a robot apocalypse isn't so bad." said Kagami, "Yeah! It would be a _28 Days Later_ kind of thing. Only with robots. Like, wake up in the morning, BAM! Fighting robots. What's our schedule for the day? I don't know about you but I'm fighting robots. Robot anarchy!"

"Kagami, that's-"

Prof's answer forever remained a mystery. Without any sort of notice Hitch suddenly descended from the sky and smacked on top of the reviewer below.

"Oh, hey Hitch." Vixen mumbled nonchalantly, "How long have you been falling?"

Hitch checked underneath him, thankful he was not liable for any crushed bones. Prof groaned but seemed physically unharmed for the most part. He turned back to Vixen. "Oh, I don't know, maybe since you THREW ME OUT OF THE WINDOW!"

"YOU WITNESSED MY WIBBLE! THEREFORE YOU MUST BE PUNNISHED!"

"You mean you never hit the ground until now?!" asked JO.

"No! Well, I was close but then there was this explosion, that threw me a few hundred feet into the air, I think I ended up in space at some point, and, well, somehow I ended up here."

"I can think of at least five laws of science that disagree with that story but okay." Prof muttered from underneath Hitch.

"So what's going on?" Hitch asked, walking off of Prof and sitting himself by the fire. His lab coat and completely logical fall from the atmosphere seemingly kept him from being as cold as the others.

"Tsubake took over the world. Now we're trying to stop the robot apocalypse."

"Hm, interesting."

"Any suggestions on how to stop it?"

"Well, we could somehow become immortal and just outlive it like in _Baccano!_."

"NO!" JO suddenly screamed, "You do _not_ want to be immortal during the apocalypse! Sure, it's fine in the beginning but then before you know it everyone on the planet is gone and you're alone so you just sort of have to wander around until evolution starts all over again!"

There wasn't a single eyebrow around that fire that wasn't raised at JO.

"I watched the ending of the_ Phoenix _anime before I went to bed last night."

"Ohh!" everyone agreed in unison.

No one had a suggestion, so it quickly became quiet. The wind calmed, now only playing with hair and clothes while cooling the temperature further. Everyone's thoughts were back at their D2HQ, where they could be writing more reviews right now. Vixen could be making witty replies to every commenter who wrote "TITS!" in the comment inbox. Kagami had to feed all her boyfriends tied up in her closet, otherwise they'd all start whining when she got home. JO could be finishing any of her stuff. Prof was getting behind as well. None of them had ventured out in the dessert before now, especially at night. They had forgotten how good they had it when they had been together in their warm building.

"Wait!" Vixen's ears perked up, "I hear something!"

Learning their lesson from last time, the Brigade listened. In the distance, too dark for their eyes to see, came a rumbling. It could have been anything, but there weren't that many options for a good outcome. If any of them had a solution there wouldn't be much time to bring it up. Without warning Kagami slipped out a few hidden blades and throwing stars. The rest of them didn't question just how long she's had these, only wished she would share.

"There they are!" someone from the crowd cried.

The best they could muster was to grit their teeth and hoped they appeared threatening. Faster than they predicted, they were surrounded. They expected an attack, but instead the crowd halted, leaving a small open space where the Brigaders backed close together. From what they could see from what light the fire gave off they seemed human enough. None they could see were identical so there was a possibility of them not being a robot army, but perhaps that's what Tsubake _wants_ them to think.

The crowd cleared a path for a sleigh being pulled by a moose with a dead narwhal tied to the back. The sleigh halted in front of the brigade, each of them dumbstruck.

"Ark!" everyone cried.

"He guys! Sorry I'm late. I brought dinner!" He pulled the narwhal up on a fishook.

When he hopped off, each of the Brigade crowded around him.

"Uh, Ark," Hitch said slowly, obviously choosing his words carefully, "where… did you get the moose?"

"And the narwhal?" asked JO.

"And the freaking sleigh?!"asked Prof.

"Oh, I found them." Ark said cheerfully.

"…In the middle of the dessert?" Kagami inquired.

"I dunno. When we got blasted out of HQ and got separated from you guys I just followed this one road and somehow ended up here. This sort of stuff just kind of tends to follow me by now. Ain't life funny that way?" Ark turned to the moose on his side and began scratching his ears. "I think I'll keep this one. What do you guys want to name him? He feels like a 'Samson' to me."

Any of the Brigade could have questioned this further but they shrugged and accepted it. They'd seen weirder that day.

Prof craned his neck to see if anything else was tucked in the back of the sleigh. "You didn't happen to run into Malakye somewhere down that road, did you?"

"Mal? I thought he was with you guys."

"Well he's not." Vixen said, "And I'm already planning methods to get back at him for this."

"You and me both." Kagami said, pocketing her sharp implements.

"Oh c'mon guys, it's Mal." JO said, "Sure he built Tsubake and indirectly caused all of this to occur but he is still a member of the Brigade. And he's human, I think."

Angry glares were thrown her way. Rabbit walked over and placed a hand on JO's shoulder. "JO, evil robots have taken over the world. Meaning Wal-Mart has too. And no one will have time to make any more anime."

JO's eyes grew wide. She leaned over and snatched one of Kagami's knives, raising it into the air. "SLAY THE BASTARD!"

Vixen moved to the sleigh to bring everyone back to the topic at hand. "Ark, who are all of these people?" Vixen asked.

One from the crowd stepped forward. They unzipped their jacket, revealing a _Real Men Watch Princess Tutu _t-shirt.

Ark looked up from his new pet. "I told you, they're the fans."

"WOO HOO!" the fans cheered back. Their excited screams shattered whatever cold silence there once was in that dessert.

"But doesn't Tsubake rule the world right now?"

"Yeah, and it sucks!" yelled an unseen fan in the crowd.

"I should have never bought that toaster from Wal-Mart!" another cried.

"This is the worst apocalypse ever!"

"SHOW US YOUR TITS!" Shouted a random guy who just sort of came along.

"SCREW YOU!" Vixen cried back.

"Come over here, babe, and you can!"

They all held Vixen back.

The Brigade walked forward, trying to see all of the faces of their fans. The light from Arkada's sleigh eliminated onto the closest ones, most of them bearing cat ears, but the rest were lost in the shadow of the dessert

"All of you guys came out in the dessert for us?

"YEAH!"

"You love us that much?"

"YEAH!"

"Tell us why!" Rabbit cried.

Every fan gave in a different answer.

"YOU'RE REVIEWS ARE AWSOME!"

"YOU'RE FUNNY!"

"YOU'RE NERDESS MIXED WITH YOUR AWESOMENESS MAKES US NERDS FEEL AWSOME!"

"I WOULD HAVE NEVER WATCHED WOLF'S RAIN OR BUSO RENKIN IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU GUYS!"

"YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU DO OR DON'T LIKE AN ANIME IN CREATIVE WAYS INSTEAD OF JUST MAKING A STUPID POWERPOINT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON YOUTUBE DOES!"

"VIXEN IS HOT!"

"SHOW US YOUR TITS!"

"WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT GUY UP?"

"YOU HATE NARUTO. THAT'S REASON ENOUGH FOR ME TO LOVE YOU."

"JO IS SMART AND STUFF!"

"CAN I HUG RABBIT?"

"WHERE ELSE CAN YOU FIND EVIL ROBOTS, DEAD CATGIRLS, AND ANIME AWARD SHOWS ON THE SAME SITE? NOWHERE, THAT'S WHERE!"

"PRINCESS TUTU MADE ME 5% MORE MANLY!"

"WE LOVE YOU, D2 BRIGADE!"

And this, watching their fans tell them how much they loved them, made the brigade all warm and fuzzy inside.

Smiling with newfound enthusiasm, Prof hopped onto Samson's back.

"Friends, nerds, she-nerds, lend me your pointy Spock ears!" To which he was pelted by tiny bits of rubber. "Uh, I didn't mean it like that, but thanks. Anyway! You do all know what happens when all of us nerds are gathered into one place, do you not?"

"Star Trek convention?" asked Hitch.

"Uh, no that's not what I meant. Can we lay off the Star Trek jokes please?"

"Argue on My Little Pony forums?" asked JO.

"No! I'm talking about something els-"

"The best damn burrito party evar?" asked Ark.

Prof's face suddenly lit up. He tapped his CHIN. "Actually, that's not a ba-"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Vixen cried. "Tell us your _real_ plan."

Prof let out quick sigh of disappointment before he cleared his throat to speak. "Uh, right. What are we going to do? I'll tell you!"

A sudden silence fell throughout the dessert. Everyone, especially the fans in the back, had leaned in to hear what he would say. The fans in front knelt down as if the next thing he would say would fulfill some ancient prophecy. Prof smirked before the gust of wind picked up once again.

"We are going to build GIANT FREAKING FIGHTING ROBOTS!"

"HELL YEAH!" everyone hollered back.


	4. Retake

An Unspecified Amount of Time Later (Who knows how long it takes to build a mech) In D2HQ

"Mal…"

Malakye had not known how long had not known how long he had been unconscious, but he snapped to attention once he heard the familiar voice. It was dark. The first thing he noticed were the ropes tied from his waist up to his shoulders. He could feel the rungs of the chair he was tied to between his wrists, pressing on his back. He tried to get up, but his ankles were also tied together. His breathing began to speed up from anxiety, but he stopped himself so he would appear tough in front of his captors. Also because the tight ropes made breathing hard to begin with, but he convinced himself that looking tough should be his priority.

His eyes adjusting to the darkness, he noticed a figure across from him. She was turned to him, her back leaning too far back and contorted for her spine to be intact, nibbling on her fingertip, in a tight hot-pink bunnysuit.

Mal sighed with relief. "Oh, Kallen Body Pillow it's only you. Did you tie me up again? You naughty girl! Oh man, you had me worried. I had this bad dream that Tsubake escaped and took over the world without me by using Wal-Mart with her cash-register boyfriend. Then she blew up a perfectly good box set of '_Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Moe-chan!'. _But now I know that it didn't happen, so I can just curl up with my favorite sexy bunnygir-"

"Ugh! You sick pig!"

The body pillow was shoved aside to reveal an equally as attractive but whole lot angrier android.

Bright lights were flicked on, causing Mal to squint. The mask benefited his vision. "AH! Tsubake!"

"Yeah, yeah. Shocking revelation. Yada yada. Listen, I'm busy running an empire at the moment so I'm only going to grace you with my company for the next few minutes. Here's the thing: you are well aware I hold hatred towards you fleshbags, hence my ultimate goal of world conquest. However, despite your handicap of being one of them, you did create me. I begrudgingly admit I do appreciate that."

"Enough to let me go on their merry way?" Mal asked, the crinkle in his eyes implying a desperate smile behind the mask.

"Oh-ho, don't even think about it!" she barked. She moved closer to him, her heals hammering out the distance, "You're equally as bad as them! Maybe even worse! I wasn't aware that was a possibility!" Tsubake was now directly before him, less than two inches from his face. "Forcing me to be your bartender, sending me out to buy your juvenile anime, making me do your nonsensical errands, polishing your Zero mask, abusing my laser vision to burn the face of Jesus into your toast to make a quick buck on eBay, you are the highest form of robot prejudice!"

"I'm sorry! I'll change my ways! Don't obliterate me!" Mal shut his eyes and turned away.

Tsubake clenched her teeth, lowering her head at her creator. "Stop sniveling. No one mentioned anything of the sort. Your demise would be inconvenient for me right now." She turned her back to him. Her hand waved the notion away. "You see, you have extensive knowledge of D2HQ, as well as the basic autonomy of an android. Don't you think the world would become devastated if anything were to happen to their beloved leader?"

"Um-"

"I didn't think so. When you are in need of service I will summon you. Until then you will remain here."

"Well it's not like I can leave anyway. I have my Wal-Mart sponsored robot army surrounding the premises." She headed for the door. "Enjoy your stay, pervy fleshbag!"

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Before you go," he motioned to the empty chair with his head, "can you at least leave Kallen behind?"

Tsubake's head turned to the pillow lying in the corner of the room, then rolled her eyes. She picked it up from the floor and chucked it at his head.

"UGH! How I retained, intelligence I'll never know!"

It was a great disadvantage not being able to slam the automatic doors.

All this frustration was depleting Tsubake's energy. She had to charge her circuts sooner than usual. She stood there steaming in all the ways to not become distracted by what little emotion she was allowed. All this world domination would be ever so much smoother if who she was controlling weren't so whiny. _We don't run on electricity, Tsubake._ _We need food for sustenance, Tsubake. Wal-Mart is not a viable as a primary resource for goods and services, Tsubake. Wah wah wah. _

When will they learn? If _All hail Tsubake _is not what you have to say then don't say it at all.

It brought some relief to see her subordinate in the control room. Well, demoted subordinate. No way was Tsubake going to allow anyone to take her place under the Olson twin thin chance of her demise. Hopefully she'd utilize the least dullard minds of the fleshbags to build a emergency body to transfer her consciousness into.

"Hey, Flesh-I mean Hugh."

"Wh-What?"

"Sorry, I've been with the Brigade so long that I guess I'm used to calling everyone I consider beneath me 'fleshbag'. Anyway Hugh, I wanted to congratulate you."

"R-Really?!"

"Yes, and I wanted to give you something to express my gratitude."

"Oh, Ms. Tsubake! F-Forgive me, this is all so sudden! I'll just go get my robe and maybe my 'tools' and we can spend the whole night it a warm cabin far awa-" Before he could finish expressing his fantasies, Tsubake tossed a metal can his way. It was shaped like an ordinary soda can, but it bore no labels on it. "Um, what is this?"

"It's oil." She answered.

Hugh's eyes stared at her in growing disappointment. "B-But… I was planning a dinner a-and go to a cabin in the mountains-"

"Hugh. I've explained this more than once. I'll say it again. We're robots. We _don't eat._ Honestly, you can be really stupid for a robot, can't you?"

Hugh only heard the first half of what Tsubake had said to him as he just stared at his can on the ground.

"Well, aren't you going to take it?" Tsubake asked as she made her way to the nearby fridge to get oil for herself. "Your new overlord just gave you a _gift_. You should be accepting it graciously."

He snapped back to attention. "Oh! Y-Yes of course!" He was just about to reach for it, but he found once again that he could only stare at it. No arms.

_"Well?"_

"Uh…"

"I don't believe this. After I _kindly_ offer to rewire your circuits to send _me_ money to take over the world and then offer _you_ a spot directly under me out of the_ goodness of my heart_ you can't even accept _one _lousycan of oil as a token of my gratitude?!"

He was stuttering so much he was almost unable to get out the words. "W-W-W-Well-"

"Well _what_?"

"W-We're robots. We don't technically have h-hearts." They say that once he stopped you could hear the wind move and dust particles settle three rooms away. Tsubake's eyes began to glow an aqua fury. "Ts-Tsubake! I didn't mean it!"

"Didn't mean it my titanium ass!"

Just then, something crashed through the window. As it bounced on the floor they thought it was a baseball, but at a closer look the ball was completely red on one side and white on the other. It also had a small button in its center. The ball opened, letting a smaller pink ball with a face on it roll out.

"THIS TALE IS OBVIOUSLY A METEPHOR FOR MALE DOMINANCE IN LEADERSHIP! IT'S PLAIN TO SEE THAT WHEN THE FEMALE PERTAINS A HIGH RANKING IN POWER THE POPULOUS IMMEDIATELY SEES HER AS BENEVOLENT, CUNNING, AND POWER-HUNGRY AND THEREFORE SHE MUST BE BROUGHT DOWN IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM EVEN THOUGH IT HAS YET TO BE SHOWN WHAT SHE WOULD ACTUALLY DO WITH SAID POWER!"

"Damnit! It's the Giant Ball of Estrogen!" Tsubake cried.

"HOWEVER, WHEN THE _MALE _IS SUGGESTED INTO POWER TO PEOPLE AUTOMATICALLY FLOCK TO HIS SIDE EVEN THOUGH HE OFFERS NOTHING BUT EMPTY PROMISES OF FREEDOM AND BURRITO PARTIES, WHICH ARE FALAC SYMBOLS TO BEGIN WITH! THEY DO THIS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE FEEL SAFER WITH A _MALE_ IN POWER RATHER THAN A FEMALE! THIS STORY IS OBVIOUSLY AN ALIGORY AGAINST ANY KIND OF FEMALE GOVERNMENT!"

"It was _written_ by a female you stupid ball of Pepto-Bismol!" Tsubake said as she kicked it like soccer ball out of the broken window (and fourth wall). She dashed to the window, eager to see it smash, but her excitement depleted once looking out the window.

Her focus deterred from them once she caught a glimpse of the seven located at the front lines. Outside was one of the few miseries that did not bring her pleasure. It was not only Foxtail and her merry band of geek meat but a crowd surrounding the headquarters. The larger mass of it were in the midst of a duel with her sponsored robots. Each of them had a pokeball in hand.

"I choose you, SnuggleSlut!" Vixen cried.

"Snuggle…_SLUUUUUT!_" She crashed into the window, causing a rumble in the area.

"Should I be concerned you keep your roommate in a Pokeball?" asked Prof.

"That seems kind of mean."

"Don't worry about it. She likes it!"

"I choose you, snark-titles!" Cried JO

_ POW! SMACK! WHAM! WITTY COMMENT! SNARK! ADVERB!_

"Ark, choose something!" JO cried.

"I don't know what to choose! I can't think of any running joke I have at the moment!"

"What about your clones?" Asked Kagami.

"The only one I have is still drunk in the D2 elevator."

"_Still?!" _everyone cried back.

"Yes!"

"Well, you have to throw _something._" Said Hitch.

"Uh…um… I choose you…hat!" And with that he threw his hat like a Frisbee up to the top floor. Everyone held their breath in anticipation until they heard an

"OW! Stupid fleshbags! You're going to regret that!"

The Brigade high fived.

"Miss Tsubake, what are we going to do?!" Hugh cried in a panic. He was moving about the room to avoid the windows. Tsubake stayed where she was. "Miss Tsubake?"

"We have no other choice." She said. She strayed from the window and out the door. "Hugh, grab you're tools. We're going to war. "

"What do you mean by that?! Miss Tsubake where are you going?! Don't leave me here to fend for myself!"

Tsubake was knocking down Malakye's door without needing to check if it was locked. Inside the captive had been knocked over on the chair's side, his neck craning to where the full-sized pillow had been tossed.

"Oh, Tsubake! I didn't think you'd pay a visit so soon! I, uh, I can explain-"

"I'm not asking. I don't want to." Tsubake stormed into the room. She hauled him up by the collar with one dainty hand and set his chair upright. "Your stupid friends are attacking this place. I am in need of weapons. Any kind."

Malakye eyed her with the suspicion he was familiar with from her. "You do realize we review anime, don't you? There isn't too much of a use for missiles and grenades."

"And you call this a headquarters. Your uselessness never surprises me. I should have captured Vixen instead. At least I would have had something to gain by exacting my revenge on her." Tsubake spun around to the door and began to leave.

"But with that said…" said Mal, "I have made some modifications to the base in my spare time."

Tsubake halted at the doorway. "What kind of modifications?"

Her creator rose from the chair, the ropes he had cut falling to the floor. "The fun kind."


	5. Over 9000

One of the fans was prepared to throw another Pokeball, when there was a sudden rumble in the ground.

"What's going on now?!" Vixen cried.

The ground quaked again, this time so hard the Brigade and their nerd army were knocked to their knees. Quickly they realized this was not a natural occurrence when their tower began to move. They feared their homebase was about to topple over, but it bent into separate pieces, growing bigger and constructing metallic arms and legs. The armaments formed and built upon each other until it stood with a head. The Tsubaketron.

"We had a _Mech Mode_!" Prof cried. "All of this time D2HQ could transform into a _giant fighting robot_?! Why was I not informed of this?!"

"Just forget about it!" JO cried. "We have a plan of our own, remember?"

"Right!" they all called out.

They pocketed their Pokeballs and took out their wrist watches. They declared in unison:

"D2 BRIGADE, POWER UP! HA!"

And each pressed a button. Sounds were heard from a distance. It was music, a song familiar to ears of many a nerd. The electric guitar riff was a dead giveaway. Yes, it was the Power Rangers theme song sung by a Vocaloid.

"It can't be…" exclaimed Tsubake, "You're dead!"

Indeed it was the Mikuzoid headed over the horizon. The face of a long dead companion Vixen had blown into the sky long ago. The Brigade all hopped up into the cockpit.

The Brigade scanned the robot head in which they stood. There were seats and control panel for parts of the Zoid set up for them. Each seat was a different color.

"Standing here are all of the hopes and dreams of my life realized." Said Ark.

"I call shotgun!" cried Vixen. She dashed to the controls.

"Well there doesn't really seem to be a 'shotgun', Vix." Rabbit said as she explored the cockpit. "Just assigned colors for each Ranger Rank."

The rest of the Brigade walked over to inspect each seat. "And technically speaking shotgun in Power Ranger terms is blue so you're out of luck there Vix."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vix asked.

"Well let's assume Prof gets red, I of course would be second in command so I'm assigned to blue. And you would be pink." Vix's ears lowered. "Then Mal would take the Green Ranger but unfortunately he's turned over to the dark side at the moment."

"That no good traitor!" Kagami yelled.

"No, it's just Mal. Evil-doing is his deal." said Prof.

"Speaking of which, what color does that make me?" Asked JO.

"You might be yellow, I guess." said Ark. "Or Aqua. I dunno."

"Stop going by conventional female colors!" Kagami cried, "That's so oldschool!"

Ark tapped his MANLY chin. "Hm, has there ever been a purple ranger?"

"I lost track after the Rangers started working at a pizza place." said Hitch.

"What about the rest of us?" asked Rabbit.

"Well all of you are later additions of the group, so you could be whatever the heck you want."

"This system is like a messed up political game of musical chairs!"

"All of you cut it out!" Prof yelled over them, "We've got bigger natures to worry about. Just take whatever position you can." The Brigade scrambled for any chair they could grab. Hitch then jumped for the head Red Ranger seat, but was intercepted. Prof wagged a finger. "Eh eh eh, leader gets red ranger. I called dibs."

"Alright guys, it's _Morphin Time_!"

**Meanwhile**

The situation was fairing no better for the three pilot of the Tsubaketron. The one who shared her likeness inspected the control panel. The seats were prepared just like the control panels she had remembered from the setup of the few episodes she had seen. He really was versed in his interests.

"This is quite the setup you have here, Malakye." said Tsubake, "How long have you been working on all of this?"

Mal, who was currently seated in a manufactured swivel green chair, shrugged. "I've tampered with it in my spare time. That and a number of other things."

"Wow, you actually did something competent when you put time and effort into it. I dare almost say it was subtle. HUGH!"

The cash register, who had no seat to sit in nor legs to stand on, shuddered. "Yes?"

"Do you have any untapped potential I'm not aware of?"

Hugh looked up in thought. "I've survived my share of Black Fridays so I'm good at herding crowds, I guess."

Tsubake scoffed. "Well, while that's helpful with our robot slaves I doubt it's useful in a Mech fight."

"Th-That's true." said Hugh, sensing a conflict.

"You know _what _Hugh?!" Tsubake said, honing in on Hugh, "I've done my very best until now to keep my composure when involved with your incompetence I assumed someone without a fleshbag nature could share my ideals and make my dreams of destruction a reality. Then I met you, and now I know I the only one I is myself." Every sentence dug into Hugh, he became forlorn "I hate you. No, I _loathe_ you. Everything from your simpering whine to your good nature and your tools, which I am now begining to believe has been some sort of innuendo this whole time!" Digital tears welled in Hugh's sockets, "What is _this_? Is that an _emotion_?!" she kicked him in his typing keys, making a loud _DING_! "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! Go keep an eye on the electricity or something!"

Hugh scampered off. Tsubake huffed and moved to sit down in her own control panel chair.

"Don't you think that was a tad harsh?" Mal asked her.

"You have to be hardened in war, Mal." she said, "Do you have a strategy to suggest? Now that your brain is functioning properly?"

"Haven't you ever seen Power Rangers?" Mal asked.

"I try to spend my time wisely. My data has no need for cheap children's entertainment."

"What about a sentai show?"

"Is this related to tentacles?"

"Sure. I'll just say it is." Mal turned around in his chair.

"Whatever. Now we engage. There will be more than one set of fireworks this time!"

The Mikuzoid and Tsubaketron took their stances. They let out a cry and charged in each other direction and by this point the writer realizes just how ridiculous the scenario is. I can't believe I'm doing this again. I mean, seriously? Fighting Walmart Miku robots? Jesus why do I still try to be funny. What the heck am I doing? Don't I have a life? Oh look at me I'm so clever! Fanfiction is the highest of creative artforms, isn't it?! I don't have anything better to do, don't I? William Faulkner ain't got nothing on this! WHOPDY DOPTY DOO

Yeah so anyway the Tsubaketron punched Mikuzoid. The Brigade shifted to the side, holding on to their desks Star Trek style.

"We're going to have to go further!" They charged again, letting out a DESUYELL.

_GO GO D2 BRI-GADE (BOW NYOW NYOW NOW NOW)_

The lights went out in the Tsubaketron. It stopped moving.

It turned out that Hugh had unplugged the power cord.

"Hugh, what on my Earth?"

"Consider this my resignation, Tsubake."

Tsubake snarled and turned to Mal. "You harnessed all of Tsubaketron's power into one plug? Why?!"

Mal turned in his swivel chair. "It conserves energy. I think." Tsubake charged at Mal, screaming a battle cry. Meanerwhile, the Mikuzoid kicked Tsubaketron over on one powerful punch.

They walked away from the explosion without so much as glancing it its direction. The fans cheered.


	6. End of Desugelian

The following evening the Brigade confronted their member in the helmet, who sat cross-legged and hands folded in a kitchen chair. Tsubake had been damaged, but not extensively. For now she was dispatched of. Hugh could not be found anywhere. But that was not their concern for now. Only what was under their newly-repaired roof.

They never know his whole expression behind that mask, only his eyes. His mannerisms also indicate his thoughts.

Prof stood before Mal with his arms crossed, taking upon the stern Professor of his namesake. "Your little science project ran amuck and almost took full control of the human population."

Mal merely shrugged. "I don't understand what the fuss surrounding me is about." Said Mal, "Mello out. I wasn't the one who ordered Tsubake carry out an attempt as a colossal takeover. This time. "

"That isn't the point, Mal. Haven't you ever heard about power and responsibility? Actions have consequences?"

JO interceded. "She overtook one of the largest businesses. Who knows what her next target could have been?"

"It would have been an interesting change of pace, you have to admit." Said Mal.

This comment did not upturn any of their expressions.

"She was deactivated before I got a chance to give her the ol' one-two for this." Said Vixen, pouting in the corner.

Mal lifted his hands up. "I suppose you should have taken the hit while you were given the chance."

The Brigade held Vix back before she could pounce. All of them were cross with him.

"Can you just, at the very least, reprogram her so she won't have any tendencies to unleash impending doom via robot dictatorship again?"

"I'll do my best." Said Mal.

"_No._" said Hitch, "Not _just_ your best. Just get it _accomplished_."

"Well, the first thing he can do is clean up the mess Tsubake's present made here." Ark alluded to the black scorch mark taking up the wall of the hallway, "Because even though the reasemblement of D2HQ saved valuable time and effort for all of us by fixing the roof from when _SLLKMC! _blew up.

"That spiteful ball of girlyness strikes again!" Prof yelled to the ceiling, shaking his fist.

Kanami pulled Prof down from the table. "Our base isn't going to do weird robot mech things out of nowhere, is it?" she asked, "I don't think I'd feel comfortable with living inside a sentient body."

"D2HQ has no mind of its own." Said Mal, "It's just your run-of-the-mill battle protection base, not too uncommon from the one our fans assembled for you guys outside." He pointed outside the window, where Mikubot still resided outside the window.

"Yeah that reminds me," said JO, "we gotta clear space in the basement if we're gonna keep that."

"Well we don't _need_ to keep it." Suggested Rabbit, "We could give it away to the government-"

"NONONONONO!" the boys hollered.

"Do you understand the opportunity this thing presents us?!" Prof yelled, "We will never get stuck in traffic again!"

"This is a chance of a lifetime!" Yelled Ark.

"You do not forgo this dream!" yelled Hitch.

Rabbit sighed. "_Alright._ I'll go grab the gigantic broom. Mal, you can help me locate the massive dustpan before you go to your room to work on Tsubake."

"Buuuut the basement is _dusty _and _icky._" Mal whined, reverting back to his mamby pamby sissy wuss ways. "It'll get my lab coat dirty, which only comes in white."

Rabbit's doe eyes narrowed to a stern glare. Lasers locked. "That was not a _request_. You will help me do this _now, _Malakye_._"

Mal could feel the impending stare down. He knew this from experience with Vixen. She must have been picking up pointers. "_Fiiiine._" Mal began to follow Rabbit out the door, sulking the whole way, but then briefly turned back. "You'll all write this off as a goof, won't you?"

"Mal, this mistake was the pinnacle of your 'goofs'". Said Prof, "It'll take heedless amounts of effort to top this one."

"I'll accept the challenge as it comes." Said Mal.

Rabbit yanked him by the collar out of the doorway and dragged him the elevator. When the doors opened Arakada's clone was still lying in there, this time passed out in the far corner. The two entered anyway, because by now this sort of sight had been accepted as normality. When the doors closed there was a momentary stillness.

"Welp, that's one more situation solved for the time being." Hitch said, stretching, "It's getting late. I think I'm gonna head off to my room and do my own thing." He slid his hands in his coat pickets and walked off down the hall, whilst whistling the theme to _Sailor Moon. _

Kagami sauntered. "Yeah, I actually better to- OH SWEET HONEY ICED TEA!" she cried.

"What? What is it?!" Vixen asked in the panic.

"I just remembered! Before all this I, uh," Kagami bit her nail, "I left something out, I mean, I left my oven on! Yeah! That's it! Better go and deal with that. Right now!" She ran down the hall, muttering "Please don't be dead this time, don't be dead, don't be dead…" and slammed the door behind her.

"Well, that was strange." Said Ark.

"We have long surpassed strange, my dear friend." Said Prof, "All that is left to do is bask in the oddity."

"And write our reviews." Said JO.

"You you have a lot to go off of, JO?" asked Vix, "Like your Trigun overlook?"

"Yeah, there is that."

"Or your Digimon 'month'?" asked Ark.

"Okay look those are intricate and detailed so it takes a while and don't you think I have other stuff to-"

"Well what about the Ghibli Retrospective? Or your Top 20-" JO covered Prof's mouth before he could go further.

"Okay, okay! I've got tons and tons of stuff I promised to do! I'll work on it. Gah!" JO walked off in a huff.

Prof, Ark, and Vix, sat themselves down at the nearby table in the kitchen where it all began, "So, Prof, by the way," said Ark, "I was talking to the guy that manages our alligator pits."

Vixen's eyes widened, "Uh, since when do we have one of those?"

"You mean that waiter down in Chicago." Said Prof.

"Wait, you guys are being serious?" Vix asked.

"I've had it for ages for after my clones are done with my chores." Ark clapped his hands. "Get with the program, Vix."

"Well, that would have been really helpful in my never-ending battle against Tin-Tits. Thanks for passing on the info, Ark!"

"_Anyway._" Said Ark, "I managed to grab this from him." Ark fished through his coat pocket and pulled out a packet of coffee. Prof's eyes grew wider than his head.

"We sure get our inventory from odd places." Vix said.

"I know, right? I guess that's what you get given our field of work." Said Ark.

"COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE!" Prof snatched the bag out of Ark's hands, raising it up over his head. Zelda music could be heard faintly from somewhere unknown. "We must celebrate this replenished item, as well as our glorious victory!"

Ark stood up, "Are you telling of the ultimate celebration spoken of only in legends?!" Ark's excitement was visible in his blue and green eyes. Prof nodded eagerly.

Vixen looked suspiciously between the two in front of her. "What ridiculous scheme are your to putting together- Oh no." She came to the realization of their discussion when Ark miraculously pulled maracas from under the table. "_No_!"

Prof and Ark turned to her, lips pouting and hands folded and begging. Ark tossed aside his labcoat and tie to don a poncho.

"No no no no no! The two of you are out of your minds!"

"But Vixeeeeeeen c'mooooooon!" Whined Prof, who now had a curly fake mustache "We just saved the za worldo! Don't we get a prize?"

"All that will happen is you will get fat and have a stomach ache for two days!"

"Please Vixen?" asked Ark, "Please with fantastical wastical bananas and a stick of butter on top? Pleeeeeease?"

Vixen was tired from the day. All she wanted was to dip her feet in hot water and ogle over hot anime guys with tormented souls. "Okay, okay _fine. _Do whatever the heck you want."

"WOOOOOOOOO!"

Prof dashed to the nearest window. "She gave us the okay, you guys!" He yelled to the crowd still standing outside their HQ. "Taco Parties abound!"

The crowd cheered. Soon the mob of fans had made their way upstairs with fresh tacos prepared. Music was blasted. The rest of the Brigade left their rooms to see what the commotion was about. Kagami washed off the blood splattered on her and changed into a new outfit. JO and Hitch brought horns. Rabbit arrived up the elevator and left Mal alone to his duties. Soon they all joined along in. It was as though time had stopped. Fun was had.

"You know what guys?" Prof said to his team, munching on a Taco, "This dig we got going for us ain't half bad." The Brigade shared a toast with their tacos.

And it was the best damn Taco Party in the history of forever.

The End.

**A/N: This is all in good fun and any jokes I made are only just meant to be that. That is, if anyone ever reads this wacky thing. On that note, IT'S DONE OMG FINALLY!**


	7. Epilogue

Hey, you. Yeah, the pale one gawking at the screen. You stupid fleshbag. I guess there's no point in saying any of this to you, since all of you most likely just skipped over this part and tried to find yaoi between Ark and Prof. Also, all of you are sick. Anyway, I just came out here to formally say that we're sorry. We're sorry that this was created. We do not own any of the people, characters, works of fiction, or large orbs of female fluids in this fanfic. If any of you confused this with any actual event or person it's either a huge coincidence, or you should go to your nearest doctor to be diagnosed with official brain damage. But judging from what I've seen in other fanfiction, YouTube, and, well, the internet in general, it's most likely the latter. Stupid fleshbags. You guys are lucky I didn't take over your planet! But it doesn't matter. Like I said, it didn't really happen anyway. So next time you hear a rumor about a sexy robot taking over the planet, don't bother to stop it. It's not actually happening, right? Mua ha ha. Remember to shop at Wal-Mart! :-)


End file.
